Tuesday, May 29, 2012

How to detail a car, or create your own sauna


1. Make sure it's 90 degrees or hotter.
2. If you plan to clean the outside and inside of a car with a partner, volunteer for the inside.
3. Gather cleaning materials -- old rags, windex and armor all wipes.
4. Grab a bag for garbage. Forget it inside the house.
5. Since you don't have a vacuum, make the car owner promise to vacuum later. If that's you, make yourself promise. Then forget.
6. Get in car.
7. Sweat profusely. Remind yourself that people pay big bucks to sit in a sauna like this. Yours is free.
8. Clean windows.
9. Forget the rag outside. Open door and get sprayed by your partner, who is wielding the garden hose.
10. Get back in the car. Dry off.
11. Spray windex on windows. Wipe down. Make more streaks. Repeat.
12. Use armor all wipe to wipe down the dash. Use about 16 wipes, actually.
13. Wipe down the steering wheel, then remember you're not supposed to, because it makes it hard to grip.
14. Grab windex, and re-clean steering wheel.
15. Clean radio, vents and console. Try not to be grossed out.
16. Pocket all change.
17. Realize you're cleaning all the dust into the grooves. Find a golf tee. Use it to clean out cracks.
18. Place golf tee carefully back where you found it, to avoid a phone call from the golf course later.
19. Lunge over to the other side of the car and clean the glove compartment and other door. Pull muscle.
20. Open glove compartment and close it. You didn't sign up for that part.
21. Get out of car. Get sprayed, again.
22. Get into back seat. Wipe down the doors, and windex windows. More streaks.
23. Stuff all garbage and wipes into a rag, since you forgot the garbage bag. Spill it. Pick it up.
24. Get out of car. Drop half of the cleaning materials.
25. Windex outside of windows, so that the inside streaks really show up.
26. Help finish waxing. Sort of.
27. Switch cars.
28. Start over.
29. Drink water. Notice water glass is near the hose where your partner is washing out the rags. Pour water out and get a different glass.
30. Admire cars. Pass out.

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